A Special Remembrance of my Mother.

One Day At A Time

Today is Mother's Day. Big shout out to all the mothers worldwide. I can't believe its been three years ago since I lost my mother to cancer.  As I sit here contemplating during this unique Co-vid Pandemic, I have always wanted to write a short summary of my mother. What better time to write then when there’s a quarantine that keeps me from going anywhere.

My mother, Brenda, was born in the Philippines under a household of very affluent parents in the region. Her dad was the mayor of the town and her mother was a strict disciplinarian. Her upbringing centered around formality, respect, and discipline. She was taught to be poised in front of others and to always work harder than expected.  Here is a pic of my mother possibly when she was 16 years old...

(Pangasinan, Philippines)

My mother received her Nursing Degree from the established and reputable, University of Santo Tomas in Manila, Philippines.  Her dream was to come to the United States for all the opportunities that I tend to take for granted.  So, she graduated and packed up her bags.  She set out for the land of the free. New Jersey became her first stop for her career as a registered nurse. On the other hand, my dad became a US citizen by enlisting in the United States Navy. (Salute!) When my mom and dad were children, they were neighbors and became really close friends  When my mother moved to New Jersey, my dad followed and began to court my mother in New Jersey. They got married there in June 1974 and moved to Virginia to start a family. 

(my dad and mom at a dance)

They raised 3 kids and looking back, I'm sure it was very difficult.  My mother would work 40 hours a week or more while my dad was deployed overseas.  My mother's stress was high because she was raising three of us on her own. In order to maintain order in the house, my mother became a strict disciplinarian like grandma. Over those years, we had several babysitters but nothing ever compared to the love of my mother. And wholeheartedly, my mother did her best to love us even if it meant to show it with “asian-discipline.”

Things became more at ease when my dad retired from the navy at age 42.  Life was good. My mom was the rock of the family and my dad was the best husband in meeting her every needs.  My dad may be the head of the household; but, my mother was the neck and she was in control of most of the upbringing.  My parents were the best providers I could ever ask for because of their hard work and preparation.  Til this day, I am still reaping the rewards of their work ethic.  

In 2010, my mother was diagnosed with non-Hodkins Lymphoma, a rare cancer in the spleen.  She was resilient throughout all the treatments.  Many days, my parents didn't tell us much about the appointments as they figured we had other life stresses to think about.  When I look back, I wish I had been more involved and inquired more about the treatments.  But I believe, they really wanted to protect us from all the stresses and issues that it brings.  They wanted us to live a joyous life even though joy was being taken away slowly.  My mother is pictured here with a sign that sums it up:

  "One Day At A Time".  

Ironically, my mother was a nurse who had treated many patients and now she was a patient herself.  As I write this, I cry inside...

(my mother in the hospital)

My mother was able to manage her cancer for 7 good years with the new FDA approved medication. With her recovery going well, my dad and mom traveled for a few years. She really enjoyed every minute of her last years as they went to Las Vegas, Philippines, Europe, and Alaskan Cruise.

Her love for Jesus was always prominent in her life.  Even though I was led astray for several years from the good Lord, my mother always showed her love and patience for me.  She once said during her last day on her death bed, "Always call on Jesus Christ. He will answer all your prayers.  He answered all my prayers."

 Since then, I took that to heart.  I have been calling on Him everyday to comfort me and provide answers. 

Here is a pic of my mother when she lost her hair.  She was humbled by it and quite embarrassed at her change. I still think she was beautiful.  I remember telling her that.  But when you lose something of value, its hard to let it go.  At that time, it was her hair. For me, it was when I lost her.  A lesson learned...

(my mother and dad)

Then the phone call came.  My dad called and said my mother only had a few weeks to live.  The doctor told her they have done everything they can for the last 7 years.  It was time. She accepted it graciously as always.  There were many moments of my mother crying on her bed; and quite honestly, many moments of myself crying while the wife and kids were sleeping.  I had become a kid again crying everyday but these tears were adult tears of knowing what was to come.  And seeing the strongest person I know begin to breakdown and cry was a hard memory to let go of... 

One of the saddest memories I carry with me is during her last days.  We were praying at the table calling on Jesus for his mercy, grace, healing, and love.  Thanking him for the life he gave even when death was so close.  Praying with my parents was a memory that would have a lasting impression.  

After that day, we said many more prayers...

The last prayer was at her bedside. We then sang Amazing Grace around midnight around her bed.  One by one we stepped out saying our goodbyes.  And then... she took her last breath shortly after.  It was a solemn goodbye.  Gods timing is perfect. 

Forever in the Lord's arms.

12 days after, my dad passed.  

They were together again.

I still pray everyday in honor of my parents and to thank God for his goodness.  Happy Mothers Day.  I love you and thank you for everything.

...in Jesus Christ name...

...amen...